SENSITIVITY IN FAITH ISSUES is a beneficial and important therapeutic tool

Hathaway in an article on homepage of APA Division 36

"Just being sensitive to a possible role of religion in a client's life can broaden your evaluation and provide different solutions," he explains. "Being able to help a person connect with the variable of spirituality in their lives can be a beneficial and important therapeutic accommodation."

That heightened awareness of spirituality, or even taking it a step further by directly incorporating religion and spirituality--different but not mutually exclusive concepts--into therapeutic practices, is common for some psychologists. Moreover, the expansion of its use is leading to efficacy research, specific training and even tacit specialization.
Spirituality as a therapeutic strategy.

"Using religion as a therapeutic tool is a little controversial and still emerging," Hathaway says. "Techniques include use of prayer during a session, ways to direct clients to pray, spiritual journaling, forgiveness protocols, using biblical texts to reinforce healthy mental and emotional habits and working to change punitive God images."

For example, Hathaway uses spiritually guided forgiveness protocols to help clients deal with emotional problems that resulted from harm inflicted by friends or family members.

For more, see www.apa.org Division 36

FORGIVENESS Act or Process? Enigmas?

Introduction
Looking back on my doctoral training after some years of practice in marital and family counseling, it was hard to believe that "forgiveness" had not been addressed--particularly since my training was clinical at the Marriage Council of Philadelphia.

Listening to hundreds of people, I realized that not only are we all wounded--too often deeply wounded--but that we keep on wounding each other, mostly blindly and innocently--yet still hurtfully. I began to think and write about forgiveness. I realized from my own case, deep family hurts, forgiveness was not merely an act, but an ongoing process that needed to be continued. I began to have some insights about my own process. Forgiveness, therefore, consisted of new awareness and some steps. I finally came up with 14!

Maybe this was one of the reasons, when Peter asked Jesus "How many times, Lord, should we forgive a brother who sins against us, seven times?" he answered "No, Peter, not seven, but seventy times seven." (Matthew 18:22) Browsing a bit yesterday on the web, it seemed as if my short piece on "Forgiveness: Steps" had become my most frequently quoted article.

We begin first with some enigmas about forgiveness. The reader may choose to go to the SGN of Ky web site to view the steps now or later. www.lexpages.com/sgn

Some enigmas about forgiveness and overcoming past hurts.

1. One must give up the idea of quid pro quo, some visible return for your forgiving. One forgives not to let the other off the hook, but to no longer give the hurt any free rent in one’s heart. It is for oneself and one’s own healing that one decides to forgive. It is refusing to go to that inner place and feel the hurt. It is recognizing also that holding on to hurts has inevitable fringe benefits--sometimes outside awareness. That is, one can continue to feel victimized and to blame others for whatever. It is recognizing that grudges can fester, and that one is more likely to feel badly or unfairly treated by others until that hurt is released.

2. Another misunderstanding is that forgiveness or letting go of hurts is merely a decision. It is not an act, but a process. If the hurts have been by a family member, there may be a long process, and the decision to let go of it may need to be repeated many times. So the decision is to keep on forgiving, as long as and until the scenario of hurt no longer has any juice.

3. In the challenge of forgiveness, it is healing to observe that our lives (step #1 of the AA program) are, truth be known, out of control. We can do nothing by ourselves to remedy that situation. Our own little egos are not capable of transcending much human difficulty and trouble by ourselves, period. We need a Higher Power. We may need to remember that to come to Life’s challenges with a sense of entitlement is a detriment to the openness and generosity we need. Maybe this is why in the Lord’s prayer, we ask for forgiveness, as we ourselves forgive. This is a stunning measure of ourselves that we are accepting. Prayer, and even much prayer, is needed.

4. To the extent we live in some sense of gratitude and humility about the total undeservedness of the blessings we have received in life, despite the fact that life itself is unfair in many ways, through friendships, family and other unearned and happenstance opportunities, we shall be determined to stay with the ongoing process of living with a deep sense of acceptance, compassion, and overlooking the faults of others.

5. Furthermore, to the extent we understand and accept our own dark side, our own faults which our ego wants to deny, our shadow self, our ability to undermine our own best efforts, the sense that none of us is perfect, then we shall be able to forgive others. "Let him who is without sin throw the first stone." (John 8:7) "How is it you attend to the splinter in your neighbors eye and cannot see the plank in your own?" (Matthew 7:5)

6. Another enigma is realizing that spiritual aphorisms are a dime a dozen, that we can talk endlessly about insight and "talk the talk," but in the end we are measured by whether we "walk the walk" of being and becoming a loving person. This always involves risk and vulnerability. It is not the path of safety and security.

7. Today's rapid electronic world becomes, in itself, the occasion of misunderstanding and conflict. Email, with the assumption that words can equal meaning, is a prime source. Meaning is always inside the person. The content of the words can seldom convey the feeling and intentions of those involved in resolving differences. Axiom: Email is a most unsuitable media for resolving interpersonal stuff. Avoid it at all costs. Trying to use email typically will only aggravate the situation. There is no substitute for face to face conversation. Use of the telephone is only slightly better than email's pitfalls. Next post: Steps, or go to original posts at the SGN of Ky website.

So a question for our spiritual journey may be "What have we risked lately for Love’s sake, by acting on faith?"

"Faith is not being sure, it is betting one’s last cent." someone said.