WERE I GOD... musings of an ancient and wounded Listener.

To my new and old friends at OPA Retreat, 2012
Noe you may copy and use with proper attribution.

WERE I GOD...
Musing of an ancient and wounded psychotherapist

Were I God
I would dive
into the darkest shadows
of begin human,
into profound pain,
outrageous loss,
unbearable suffering,
and I would swim
towards light
taking with me
as much of the brokenness
everywhere and of all time
as I could gather.

Were I God
I would live in despair and in hope.
I would be
the inspiration of a poem,
the rainbow, the dew on the grass,
the color of fall, the gentle breeze,
the kind word, the tender touch,
the laughter of children.

I would abide in every flower,
every seed,
every cry and sigh,
I would be
the possibility of
each new moment.
I would be weakness
finding strength,
never lording it over others,
but in every humble service,
pitching my tent
among the poor,
preferring the outsiders.
I would nestle in vulnerability:
risking and giving Self.


Were I God I would hide
so subtly within all creation
that I could never be caught.
I would be so unutterable
as to resist being talked about,
and hate the name "God"
remembering the oppression
done in my name.
I would exist beyond any word
any symbol,
any possible expression,
but I would dwell
in every human groan.

I would avoid expected places:
some pulpits, rituals, churches.
I would never be snared
by theology, religion
or even prayer.
I would exist solely
to be given away,
never to be comprehended or
held by safe orthodoxy:
far more verb than noun.

I would be yearning for freedom,
passion for justice,
thirsting for peace,
searching for truth,
craving for affirmation,
ardor for sharing,
the making of love,
and the ecstasy of surrender.

I would be in
every form of hurting
and its transcendence.
I would be gleamed
in lowly favors, generosity,
courage, simplicity, compassion
but especially
in forgiveness.

I would be aborning ever new
in the bruised and lonely heart.
I would be found more
in doubt than in certainty
more in questioning than
in righteousness.

I would need to be
intimately concealed
because the human ego
is so ready to use Me
to elevate itself
by judging others.

Were I God I would enjoy
leaving clues, riddles
and traces everywhere,
being tracked only
by valiant searchers.

I would let myself be glimpsed
in sunrises and sunsets
in the wonders of nature
in human loving
in quiet stillness and
becoming little
in EVERY human story.

Christmas, 1991,
© Paschal Bernard Baute